Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
