Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
