Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
