i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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