atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
BRING THE BAGELS
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Randomize
