she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
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