i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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