Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize