You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
