oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
