The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
