Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
