Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
