It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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