Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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