The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
