I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
