I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I think my moral compass just broke
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
