Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Randomize
