the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
