even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
