I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
