If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
i love accidental penises.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Of course I have a pirate flag
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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