Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
