we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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