I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
