i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
