Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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