How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
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