Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Randomize
