I hate all girls vehemently.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
