Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
