Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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