so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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