Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
