You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
