I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
