1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
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