you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Vodka?
Forever.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
