I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
