I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
