so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize