i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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