I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
