Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
