I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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