Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
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