Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
