In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize