hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
