so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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