I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
