My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
did you just send me my own nude
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
