i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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