WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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