yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
