im drinking this country out of the recession.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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