RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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