I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
