It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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