i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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