All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
