he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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