Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
