I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
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