we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
