We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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