i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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