fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
