every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
My feet surprised me
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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